Dissertation Mode: GO

I'm done teaching for the semester!  The only things I have left for the semester proper are two mountains of grading (the last assignment and the final for the class I was teaching).  My fellow teaching assistant and I did a final review session for our students this afternoon, so now it's time to switch gears entirely.  That is, I now intend to hang up my syntactician shoes for good and turn all of my academic energy toward writing a chapter or two of my dissertation over the next few months.

To that end, I have several thousand instances of /s/ and /ʃ/ sounds to analyze in the next two weeks, which means I will be sitting in front of my computer looking at displays like this for several hours a day:

Yes indeedy.  Baby babble all day long.

Also to that end, I attended a dissertation writing workshop the week before last, and they gave us a nice packet of tips and encouragement for writing a thesis.  I read through it over the weekend, and I found this gem of a quote:

"When you are actually writing, and working as hard as you should be if you want to succeed, you will feel inadequate, stupid, and tired.  If you don't feel like that, then you aren't working hard enough."

Huzzah!  Let the fun begin!

This Summer

I have plans for this summer.  Most of them include bearing down and figuring out how exactly to go about writing at least one chapter of my dissertation.  I've been plugging away at a really awesome study that I'm very proud and excited about, and that my advisors tell me should be at least one chapter of my dissertation.  I don't have any results yet - I'm still collecting and processing data - but I should have results within the next month, and then this summer I will be figuring out how to write them up.  I have no idea how to write a dissertation.  I suppose that's what advisors are for...

Anyway, here are my other plans:

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Road.  Trip.  Massive, massive road trip, in which I pass through four of the remaining states I've never been to (Idaho, Montana, North Dakota, and South Dakota) and visit two national monuments (Yellowstone National Park and Mount Rushmore), and pass through a couple of cities that are supposed to be surprisingly cool (Boise, Fargo, Minneapolis, Madison, Chicago - although I've already been to the last two and know that I love them).  It is going to be epic, and I am really excited.

For now, though, I need to get back to work and read about how the vocal tract develops over the first few years of life.  Speech development is so cool, I'm telling you.  Anyway, I thought I'd been silent to the blogosphere for a while, so I figured it was time to send out a smoke signal.  I'm still here!  Just busy learning to program, reading papers, and teaching some undergrads.  Plugging away, as always...

Santa Barbara (and homeward bound)

Well, we made it safe and sound back to Berkeley yesterday evening, after a wonderful, wonderful trip.  I didn't take many more pictures, but here are a few more just for fun.  What a ridiculously beautiful town.

Whale skeleton at the Natural History Museum.

All in all, I think we obtained the perfect ratio of doing-stuff to down-time.  We had 2-3 planned activities/outings per day, so I felt like I got out a lot and saw a lot of fun stuff, but we also were really good about knowing when to rest and recuperate.  It was more or less the perfect vacation; I don't feel like I missed anything major, and I also never felt like I was dragging myself through another museum visit that I had to do, for example, which can sometimes be the case with vacations.

I think my very favorite part was running along the beach.  On Wednesday afternoon, we ran 5 miles along the bike path, which ended at the parking lot to Goleta Beach, and then we stowed our shoes in the car and ran about 2 more miles on the beach itself.  The tide was pretty high, and the water was so chilly and refreshing, and it was really neat to feel how a completely different set of muscles is recruited for running in wet sand.  My feet, ankles, and calves really felt it, from being barefoot and having to navigate the landscape a little bit, which you don't normally have to do with shoes on.  We ran right along the edge of the water, so the waves would crash into our legs and pull us into the ocean a little bit as they went back out, and it was also really fun to get splashed and then have to fight against that pull a little bit as the waves sucked us in.  At the end, tired and a little achy, we ran straight into the water and got engulfed by cold, rolling waves that woke up every living cell in my body and tasted so strongly of salt.

Then we shuffled soggily back to the car, toweled off, and hit the In 'n Out drive thru for some hit-the-spot hamburgers and milkshakes.  I was completely, blissfully exhausted, though I somehow managed to stay awake until about 9:30, when I crashed and slept like a rock for about 10 hours.

And then we drove home yesterday - these last few pictures are from the car ride.  I must admit: I'm kind of starting to understand why people think California is so great.  I found myself honest-to-goodness physically overwhelmed with the natural beauty of everything, especially at the beginning of the trip.  The first full day we were in SB, last Saturday, I was totally exhausted by mid afternoon, and I just had to take a nap.  I ended up taking a short nap most of the days we were there, in fact, which is so out of character for me, but I think it was just all of the brand new sights and smells and people, plus all of the walking, fresh air, and sunshine.

The whole trip was so great, and since the Napa Valley Marathon was so much fun... me and Jevon decided to combine the two and run the Santa Barbara Marathon in November.  So now I get a few months off of training to just chill out, run casually, and then kick it back in sometime in late summer.

That's got to be all from me for now.  Time to clean up a bit and maybe do some more work before figuring out something fun to do tonight!

Santa Barbara (a little bit more)

View from the wharf.

At the wharf: all of the flags that have ever flown over Santa Barbara.

At the Sea Center, at the wharf: shark egg sacs!!

More view from the wharf.

The courthouse.

The courthouse close up.

View from the top of the courthouse.
I have approximately 15 pictures from up there, and they are all impossibly gorgeous.

Me and Jevon, on the roof at the courthouse.

The Mission.  We didn't go inside, but we took a little nap on this grass for a while.

Sunset on the beach.

Goleta Beach, looking at UC Santa Barbara.  Can you believe people go to school there?

Santa Barbara (a little bit)

I'm in Santa Barbara for Spring Break!  Unfortunately it's rainy today, which almost never, ever happens here, but it's actually very beautiful; there are billowy clouds with lots of different shades of gray that roll right up into the mountains, and the ocean is dark blue and gray too.

Way more unfortunate than the rain is the fact that I took my camera with me when we went out to the wharf today and I only got this one picture before the battery died.  I was so bummed!  There was an awesome life-size sand sculpture of a mermaid that I really wanted to get a picture of, and we went up in the courthouse tower and got a really beautiful view of the whole town.  Thankfully I brought my battery charger, and I'll be here until Friday, so I'm charging it right now and am going to take lots of pictures the rest of the week and post them soon.  And it's supposed to be sunny and 65 degrees the rest of the week too, so there should be no difficulty in forcing myself to walk around outside and snap some good shots of downtown, the beach, the flowers, the waves crashing...

It is so beautiful here!  But for now it's warm coffee, bumming around online, and hopefully a little bit of work before I head out to dinner with some friends tonight.  More soon!

view from my kitchen window

It's been raining for the past week solid; a cold, drizzly, misty rain that just makes you want a hot shower, a blanket, and a book.  But the trees are all blooming, and it feels like it's just about to be perfect and gorgeous out if we can hang on for a few more weeks.  We haven't had much rain at all this season, and I know we must need it.  The ground is pleasantly green and brown and mushy, and the creek that runs through campus is finally looking like a respectable creek instead of a slightly parched trickle.

This is the last week of classes before Spring Break, and I'm looking forward to a very good two weeks.  I have a big pile of grading to get through today, and a chapter to read, and a script to work on, but I'm headed to some friends' for dinner tonight, to hang out and play with their brand new litter of kittens, and a week from today, I'll be on a Spring Break vacation to Santa Barbara!

Ooh, I guess I should also add that the Napa Valley Marathon went very well, and I had an excellent time.  It was my slowest one yet, but I had a very enjoyable run and have recovered very quickly; the race was two weeks ago today, and I was ready for a short run the Thursday after the race.  I even did 5 miles yesterday morning, and even though I still feel a little out of breath when I run or go up lots of stairs, my muscles feel great, and I got a really nice shot of endorphins from just getting out and getting a little sweaty yesterday.  I'm still addicted, apparently.

Me, towards the tail end of the race.

I need to get to work now, but I'll be updating again relatively soon with lots of pictures of Santa Barbara, assuming all goes as planned!

Leap Day

you didn’t know that I write?

well:

I had forgotten too, to tell you the truth

writing

for me

is an untangling of sorts

a loosening of stubborn knots

and a stroking of tender muscles

I write when sentences won’t do the trick

when uncompleted thoughts and abandoned fragments

say what a carefully constructed paragraph cannot

I write when I am weary

gingerly gripped by despair

turning a painful thought over in my mind

poking a bruise until I know exactly why and how it hurts

I write when my pain is mixed with joy

and when my optimism is studded with flashes of melancholy

I write to scream

I write to be silent

I write when I am alone

I don’t, when I am not

I treasure a late night spent in the company of

a ticking clock and my clacking keys

a soft, burning throbbing behind my eyes

and a gentle aching in my heart

I write to get it all out

but to keep it, while I do

writing

for me

is an undressing

it is peeling off a damp wetsuit

and standing

naked

on the beach

new life

Dearest readers,

You undoubtedly will have noticed that I have not updated this blog for nearly two months.  There are many, many good reasons for that, but most of them boil down to the fact that I have a brand new, very different life now, which I have been growing into for some time.  We could say that it's been two months, or we could say that it's been six months, or really, maybe we could say that it's been three and a half years, give or take.  So before I explain that any more, I must first sincerely apologize to anyone who is reading this post and is about to be whacked with some potentially surprising information for the first time.

The main reason I've been putting off writing this entry is that I haven't known what to say, or how to say it, and I haven't wanted to hurt or upset anyone unnecessarily by going about it the wrong way.  But the fact of the matter is that R and I have decided to split up, and the past few months have been a period of realizing that that's the right thing for us to do, and then deciding to actually do it, and then actually doing it.

I'm doing remarkably well, all things considered.  In fact, I don't think I'm misstating the case to say that we're both doing remarkably well.  I think it would even be true to say that we're both doing much better than we were just a few months ago, before I decided for sure to move out.  I'll speak just for myself now, but I'm pretty sure it's true for both of us, that it's like a huge weight has been lifted from my shoulders.  Things were really not going that great between us... this is not to say they were going badly, by any means, we have just been growing apart for a long time, and trying to stay together while growing apart has not been working for anyone.  So to admit that it's not really working and take a few steps back - to take the pressure off and stop stressing out about the fact that neither of us are very happy with our relationship - that has felt really great, and freeing.  It's like a door has been opened, and it's spring in California, or something.

And it is spring in California.

This is my new place.  I love it.  It's only about a mile or so from our house, where R is staying, with the dogs.  I miss them all very much, but I can stop by when I want to, and I've been going by about once a week to walk the dogs and get caught up with R.

In the meantime, I have some mental and emotional space, and a sunny, airy, lovely new place to call my own.  It's small, but very cute, and it feels very much like home already.  Let me share it with you.

This is the front room, which doubles as a bedroom and sitting area.  That rectangular hunk of wood in the lower right corner is this awesome table I got at Ikea.  When I don't want it, it folds down into a little hunk of wood that I can keep against the wall, but you can see how it has two huge leaves that fold down along the sides, and they both prop up so it turns into a full size dining room table that can seat 6 people!

This is the view out the big window next to my bike, looking toward the hills.  The fact that the window faces east means I'm woken up by the sunrise every morning, which is so nice.  Plus the back yard (which I share with the couple who live in the main part of the house, downstairs) is full of flowering trees right now, and it makes for such a cheerful view.

I have a lot of closet space, and this one is so huge that I just put my piano in it and keep it open all the time!

Completing the panorama of the front room.

The dark brown chaise in the lower left corner of that photo is probably the best purchase I've ever made.  It's up against the windows, and I've been opening them and the front door and just curling up with a book (or an iPad, more precisely) and reading.  It feels like being on a screened-in porch!

Best seat in the house.

Like so.  You can see the little landing in front of my front door here.  The apartment is on the top floor of a house, and there's a separate stairway that leads up to my place.

Cute little hallway.

The bathroom is straight ahead down the hall.  On the left is this adorable little dressing room that's basically like a walk-in closet, and to the right is my awesome kitchen.

I love my kitchen.

And that's basically it for now!  I would say more, except I've been sitting in a cafe trying to finish this post for about an hour.  The internet connection here has been really slow loading these photos, and I'm sick of sitting and waiting, so I'm going to head out in a bit.

The weather is gorgeous here right now.  It was about 70 degrees today, and even now, as I sit in this cafe, the windows are all wide open, so the whole cafe is open to the street and humming with the ambient sounds of people chatting and working.  It feels like an early summer evening, warm with a cool breeze, and I want to get out and enjoy it while I can.

Things are good.  Life is very good, and I'm very happy, and feeling like all is right and well with the world.

Christmas Eve at Point Reyes

My mom just left yesterday morning.  She was only here for a few days (on the way back to Illinois after visiting my brother in Las Vegas), but on Christmas Eve, we drove up to Point Reyes, a lookout over the Pacific Ocean where there's apparently a really cool lighthouse (which we didn't venture out to see because it was too cold), and where you can do some whale watching if the whales are around and you're patient enough.  Even though it was a bit of a long drive, made longer by the fact that I missed a few turns on the way back, I think we both had a good time, and I got some nice pictures out of the deal too.

I think this is my favorite one.

Yesterday, for Christmas, we went to my friend Jess's house and consumed way too much cheese and butter and cream.  Well, I can't speak for everyone, but I definitely consumed way too much of those things.  I tell myself it may have been slightly offset by running 9 miles yesterday morning, but even if not... oh well.  I also told myself I would do 9 more miles today, but I seriously doubt that's going to happen, since I already ate more bread and cheese this morning, and it's cold and gray outside.  I think I'm going to walk the dogs, listen to This American Life, and do some errands instead.

Merry Christmas, everyone!  I hope you spent it surrounded by the people you love.

useless

If I had known how utterly useless my brain would be today, I would have spent the day watching Six Feet Under instead of trying to get reading done.  I can not concentrate on anything.  Criminy.

Now I have to walk the dogs before I head in to campus, because the final exam for the course I'm teaching is tonight, and I have to be in some random room from 7:00 to 10:00 pm.  Hopefully I'll at least be able to get some work done then, but I woke up with a gross head cold this morning, and now it's starting to come back, so my chances are looking somewhat slim.  Bleargh.

On the bright side, my dissertation prospectus was approved last week, and I'm getting ever closer to actually having a specific set of studies planned for my dissertation.  That means that the stressful part of this semester is over; now all I have to do is write two Portuguese compositions, take my Portuguese final tomorrow, and write two responses to articles from my psycholinguistics seminar.  The problem is that I have little to no motivation to do any of these things, and I just keep spacing out and taking breaks to play the piano.  Or nap.  Or eat toast.

Not the most productive day in recent memory.