Workin' on it. Super tired of the mood swings and the random crying and feeling totally manic all the time. I am not as put-together as I project myself to be, not right now. I feel like I used to be about as put-together as I acted, and now I'm just continuing to act all put-together on auto-pilot when actually I feel slightly insane at least most of the time. But you know? I'm moving very gradually in a positive direction, and every week I feel a little bit more like myself, for the most part.
It's just taking a really long time, and I'm so tired of it. But I'm working on it.
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I never make posts like this, because I always tell myself that I will regret them almost immediately. Why is this an exception? I have no idea. I already know I'm going to regret it, and I'm having serious second thoughts about clicking the "publish" button. I think it just feels kind of nice to admit that I am having a pretty rough time right now. To say it out loud, and to realize that it's normal and that it will get better. It is getting better, just... slowly. And I'm tired of waiting to feel like myself again, y'know? I pride myself on being on an even keel, normally. I guess I think of an essential part of my personality as being fairly unflappable. I'm strong. I'm happy. I don't let things get to me. Well, this gets to me. This whole awful transition period. I have been gotten to. And I hate it and I want it to go away so I can feel like myself again.
That's all. I'm just biding my time and taking it as it comes, and some days are far better than others. This was kind of a rough day, and tomorrow will probably be better.
