(... going to England in June?)

Ok, so, I'm still going to England.  But I've also had a hell of a few days trying to get this qualifying paper done.  The problem is that I was really sure of what I was going to argue!  It all came together really nicely and made sense!

And then suddenly, yesterday morning when I was about to polish off my conclusion and submit it to my two readers, I re-checked one of my baseline measures and - oh hey, look at that, it had changed!  Substantially!  In such a way that I really don't think I can argue what I spent 20 pages arguing!

So now what?  Well, slight despair yesterday, for one thing.  But I think I was thinking about it the wrong way.  I was trying to think of a way that I could argue what I wanted to argue (especially since I already wrote a 20-page paper on it...) but then I thought, ok, be a real scientist about it.  If you're going to be a good scientist, trying to find a way to make your data fit what you want to say is the exact wrong thing to do.  But I wanted to argue that! my whiny inner voice kept protesting.  But no, grown-up real scientist voice has to say.  This is about being ethical and a good researcher and following the data wherever they take me instead of trying to use them for my own personal agenda.  Even if it's an interesting agenda and it would be much easier to ignore the thing I discovered yesterday, slap on a conclusion, and call it a day.

So now... I have decided to (try to) stop worrying about it and go back to the drawing board.  I'm gonna take a deep breath and try not to think about the fact that I've been staring at these numbers for 4 days straight and start. over.  With no assumptions or expectations, and just try to see what I would have (should have?) concluded if I had been looking at this newly discovered evidence from the beginning.

On a related note, a mental note for myself: when I'm started to feel a little overpressurized and panicky and like I need more time, often the best use of my time is actually to go for a run.  I finally went for one this morning and am feeling better now: more capable, confident, determined, clear-headed.  There's something so soul-cleansing about physical exertion.