I can't figure it out.

There's like, four categories of people in this town. There's looks nice, is nice; looks nice, is actually crazy; looks crazy, is actually perfectly nice; and looks crazy, is definitely crazy. I suppose you could break the whole world up this way, but I think it's a more appealing system for Berkeley in particular because I haven't figured out a reliable metric for putting people in each category yet, so it seems like it would be a very useful system to master here. Let me give you an example for each category, ending with the one that happened to me this morning.

1) Looks nice, is nice. Our neighbors. They're originally from Wisconsin. They say hi to us when we run into them. 'Nuff said.

2) Looks crazy, is actually perfectly nice. Old black dudes with no teeth. I say this because I ran into one with my friend John a while back, and while I was initially a little concerned when he rushed up and started lisping at us, it turned out he just really wanted to find a butcher shop nearby so he could cook up some ox tail. Weird, yes, but also perfectly nice and not necessarily crazy.

3) Looks crazy, is definitely crazy. All the bums on Shattuck Avenue. The ones that gather to sing karaoke are kind of cute, as long as they don't sit down too close to you while you're waiting for the bus, but they're still definitely crazy.

4) Looks nice, is actually crazy. This is the one that gives me the most trouble. I was walking back from the grocery store this morning with a gallon of milk in a plastic bag. I'm strolling along thinking, "Man, this milk is pretty heavy," when I smile and say hi to a woman in her front yard. She smiles back and says, "Boy, that milk sure looks heavy."

Slightly weird thing to say, especially since I was just having that thought myself, but I just say "Yeah, it is!" as I'm walking by. She keeps talking to me though. (This is how these interactions generally go.) "Oh honey, you better be careful, those plastic bags are cutting into your hands!" And she's right, they are. But I think of it more as a temporary inconvenience than a real liability. "Those bags are so thin and that milk is so heavy, you're going to really hurt your hands!" At this point, I've stopped and turned back a little to say something to her. That's the problem with category 4 people; if they were definitely crazy, you could just keep walking, but when they seem like nice normal people at first, it seems so rude to just ignore them.

So I say something like, "Oh, it's ok, I don't have very far to walk." This is also true, but not a satisfactory response, because she replies, "Oh but honey, when you get older, it's gonna be a real problem. You should really think about getting some gloves for that. When you get older, you'll be sorry. So much damage to your hands. Your joints-"

At this point I'm getting a little concerned, because now I've stopped to talk to her and she's clearly not going to stop talking anytime soon, and now I don't know how to gracefully exit this conversation. I say something indistinct and noncommittal like, "Oh um, it's ok..." and smile politely as I try to back away. She's yelling after me though! "Oh honey, your hands, you really need to be careful..."

In retrospect, I suppose a nice way to end things would've been to start screaming "OH GOD I'M BLEEDING I CAN'T FEEL BELOW MY ELBOW I THINK MY FINGER JUST FELL OFF" etc. and run away. As is, I'm just left wondering: will I ever figure out how to avoid the loose screws?