here comes 2013

I spent quite literally the whole day working (7:30 - 12:30, break for lunch, 1:00 - 5:30, break for dinner, 7:30 - 12:00) and then didn't even finish what I was trying to finish.  I was just too tired and couldn't make myself do it.  And then suddenly 2013 was here, and I was sitting in a room by myself at my grandparents' in Colorado, feeling frustrated for many reasons.

2012 is over.  It went by really, really quickly, as all years do now.  It's funny to think that in a couple more years, I'll look back at 2012 and think, "Yeah, wow, that was a crazy rough year," in that sort of detached way you can afford to have with perspective.  But for now, right now, it just feels like I'm still slogging through the same old crap, and like I still don't know where I'm going or what's going to become of me.  It's still up and down and up and down, although with less frequency than before.  Most days I feel really good about my life, like even if everything is totally up in the air, I'm really excited about all of it, and I just know it's going to turn out good.

But right now all I feel is tired.  2012 has left me very tired, even though it went by in a whirlwind blink of an eye.  I'm absolutely exhausted, and still looking forward to the day when I can look back at 2012 and not feel exhausted and confused about it.

I'm going to try to sleep, and hope I don't lie awake with my wheels turning.  I'm going skiing tomorrow morning, for the first time ever, really, and somehow it feels like throwing myself down a snowy mountain is the perfect way to begin 2013.  I don't know what the hell I'm doing, and I'm probably going to fall all over myself and it'll be mildly terrifying, but you know what?  It's going to be a crazy adrenaline rush, and I'm probably going to laugh my head off when I'm not falling on my face, and when I get to the bottom, I'm going to be so relieved that I made it.