Recovery Mode

I'm in recovery mode right now.  My "stupid brain" is slowly getting better, I think, and by that I mean that the absolute exhaustion and at times borderline despair brought on by the past few months of job searching, etc. seems to be receding slowly into the background.  I did my job interviews.  I submitted my manuscript.  I went to my workshop in D.C.  I'm still waiting to see what will come of those things, if anything, (minus the workshop, because I never cared about the workshop to begin with) but for the time being at least I am done.  I can rest on my potential laurels and not have to worry about any serious looming deadlines for a while, and I can recharge my powers of concentration.  The hardest part about the past few weeks was getting that manuscript in on time, because after a solid month (or two months, depending on whether my LSA interviews count) of traveling and preparing for job interviews, I just didn't have any mental juice left.  I can only concentrate for so long, and beyond that, it becomes increasingly painful to muster the willpower needed to do good work.  Can't I just do crappy work for a while?  Better yet, can't I like, zone out on the couch and watch bad TV?

I have recently learned that I am the #2 choice for both the jobs I interviewed for.  (We're #2!  We're #2!)  This is a very strange position to be in, because it means that depending on how things shake out, I could end up with anywhere between zero and two job offers.  For the first job, they told me they're "in negotiations" with another candidate, and I think what that means is that Candidate #1 is waiting to hear whether he gets any other offers so he can play hardball and then go with the best one.  If Candidate #1 takes another offer, then it will be my turn to negotiate.  For the second job, I heard through the grapevine that Candidate #1 is also currently in negotiations, but I also know from meeting with the chair of the search committee that the department has put in a request to hire two people for the position.  What that means for me is that if they can get the Dean to approve a second hire, then it will be my turn to negotiate for that one.

So in practical terms what this all means is that I'm still sitting around anxiously twiddling my thumbs, dammit, but it also means that I had a pretty darn good showing at my interviews.  Both of the Candidate #1s are a few years ahead of me, and have had a chance to get some publications out, whereas I'm still currently in the process of getting my first "real" publications.  (This is why the recently-submitted manuscript is somewhat crucial.)  If I can almost get two job offers despite not quite having any peer-reviewed publications (I mean, to my credit, I do have a rather large NSF grant on my side...) then I think that means I'm in good shape in the scheme of things, whether one of these jobs ends up coming through or not.  I have quite a few things that will more than likely be published by the end of the year, and then I will be in an excellent position to hit the job market again next year.  But that's the thing: I am so !&#% sick of the @%$* job market that it makes me want to puke thinking about going through all of this again next year.  I guess I shouldn't think about that just yet, though.  I should keep waiting, and trying not to look too far into the future, and just rolling with the punches as they come.

This week is our Spring Break and I have been doing a strange combination of working, vegetating, and exercising.  I finished another draft of my dissertation work (please let it be almost done, please), and I spent two solid days alternating between cooking, wasting time on the Internet, and reading a book (!).  I also joined a gym!  Glory be, it is actually starting to look like spring, and by that I mean that the temperature has been consistently above freezing for like a whole week now, such that there's only a few inches of snow left on the ground!  You can see the grass in some parts!  It's enough to make a person actually want to be outside, so I have gone for a run every day this week, and I'm even starting to feel like a normal human being with a functioning brain and body again.  It would be great if I could lose the five stress pounds I apparently gained over the past two months, but for now, I'm just happy to be outside and moving and feeling like eating fruits and vegetables instead of, like, hot chocolate and cookies.  Even better: J gets here next Saturday for his Spring Break, and I haven't seen him for about two months, so it's about freaking time.

So who knows where I'll be living in August (that old familiar refrain), but for now, things are looking up, at least.

---safe---

You guys, I diiiiiid it!

I finally made it through February and I can be a real live human again!!  I have, like, doctors appointments and an oil change and all kinds of "life" business that I haven't managed to accomplish for the past few months.  But I think I'm going to be okay now.

Gotta run, but more later, maybe.