I would just like to say that there is something supremely satisfying about teaching myself some fairly advanced statistical concepts.
Perhaps I should preface this by saying that yesterday was rather demoralizing, because my new and improved dissertation experiment procedure still didn't really work. So I have to go back to the drawing board - again - and revamp things. And I also think there's no possible way to do what I was planning/hoping to do. That doesn't mean I can't accomplish the same end using different means. It's just that... now I have to step waaaaay out of the box, and given the constraints I now know to exist, having done two very illuminating "pilot experiments", shall we call them, I have to rethink how to get at what I want within those somewhat stringent constraints. It can be done. I think. But I don't want to think about it any more right now.
Instead, I am trying to work on my LSA conference talk, which is coming up in about two weeks, and it has come to my attention that I don't actually understand the math behind logistic regression very well. I haven't worked with logistic regression very much, because I'm usually using normal ol' linear regression. And now I'm getting these weird error messages that I don't really know how to interpret, because I don't intuitively grasp the math behind the logit transform.
While this could easily cause me to throw up my hands in exasperation and burrow into a little hole ("nothing is going my way this week!"), it instead feels a bit empowering. I'm reading some tutorials on logistic regression and actually starting to understand things better, and I feel like this problem is eminently solvable. Solvable problems are truly necessary sometimes. And once I solve this problem, I will have some results, and that will be seriously gratifying after fighting with my dissertation procedures for the past month or so.
Now I need to take a shower and do some stuff!
in which I write about (hopefully) staying sane while pursuing a career as a professional speech scientist
Thursday, December 20, 2012
Wednesday, December 12, 2012
a weird kind of progress
As annoyed as I am that I have to re-tool my entire dissertation experiment (that's a story for another day), I must admit that I kind of enjoy playing around with Paintbrush and making scenery for my new and improved experiment. There are much worse ways to spend an afternoon.
Next up: forest.
The made-up animals have to play *somewhere*! |
Next up: forest.
Sunday, December 2, 2012
antsy
1. It turns out that ants invade my bathroom like whoa when it rains a lot.
2. It has been raining for 2 days straight.
3. It also turns out that Windex kills ants.
4. I currently have an immaculate bathroom, which smells very strongly of cleaning products and is periodically littered with teeny tiny little dead bodies.
Go away, ants. I hate you, and I'm tired of cleaning you out of my bathroom.
2. It has been raining for 2 days straight.
3. It also turns out that Windex kills ants.
4. I currently have an immaculate bathroom, which smells very strongly of cleaning products and is periodically littered with teeny tiny little dead bodies.
Go away, ants. I hate you, and I'm tired of cleaning you out of my bathroom.
Friday, November 23, 2012
thankful
I am so incredibly thankful for all of the wonderful people in my life. I had a wonderful, wonderful, wonderful Thanksgiving, surrounded by people that I love so much. It's been an incredibly hard year in some ways, obviously, but it's also been a great year, in lots of ways. I am continually reminded of just how many fantastic, loving, funny, giving, clever, fun people I have in my life, and I am so very grateful to know them all. On nights like tonight, I just feel myself wrapped in a cocoon of warmth and love and laughter, and I never want it to end.
Friends and family: I love you all, and I am thankful for the joy, support, and comfort you bring me. This is such a special time in my life, and I want to savor every moment of it. I don't know what the next phase of my life will bring, but I know for certain I will always look back on this year, and these people, with gratefulness that our paths converged for a time.
Happy Thanksgiving, everyone. May your cups and your hearts run over.
Friends and family: I love you all, and I am thankful for the joy, support, and comfort you bring me. This is such a special time in my life, and I want to savor every moment of it. I don't know what the next phase of my life will bring, but I know for certain I will always look back on this year, and these people, with gratefulness that our paths converged for a time.
Happy Thanksgiving, everyone. May your cups and your hearts run over.
Photo by Nico. (Thanks, Nico!) |
Thursday, November 8, 2012
I love this woman.
I generally shy away from being overtly political (on Facebook and on my blog). But I am pretty happy with the way the election turned out, and Rachel Maddow is amazing.
Thursday, November 1, 2012
up and down and up and down
Oh my word, what a day. What a week, really. 3 main issues making me feel like I'm on a mini (not that great) roller coaster:
1) The part time job I have taken on - I don't want to write any specifics about it on my blog, because it's not appropriate to talk negatively about it in a public forum - while providing me with some really nice extra cash, has just been way too much thankless, frustrating work to be worth it. I put in my notice this past week, saying I won't be continuing beyond this semester. The thing is, I was feeling really good about the work we're doing after the two meetings I went to this week. I felt like things were finally starting to move along, we were all making some progress, and maybe it would be worth it to stay on for next semester. And then this afternoon I get sucked into another backandforthandbackandforth email exchange, and I'm ready to be done now. So I get to go to another meeting tomorrow! (grumble grumble) I will stick it out this semester, but after that, no more!
2) Earlier this afternoon, I found out my dissertation study has finally been approved! So I was super excited, and I emailed the research director at the campus preschool, and she suggested I call her immediately, which is never a good sign. I just got off the phone with her, after a very long chat (I just love this woman, she's wonderful), and it turns out UC Berkeley has decided to privatize their child care system, effective immediately. So people are being laid off and everyone is freaking out, and some of the parents are boycotting the research program because they're totally powerless and don't know what else to do. I can hardly be angry at the parents, but my immediately reaction is nevertheless, "WHAT?! Are you kidding me??" The week my study finally gets approved is the week everything goes to hell in a handbasket, and it is suddenly rather up in the air whether I'm going to be able to find enough non-boycotting children to participate in my dissertation study. I was already cutting it pretty close, but feeling confident I could be done collecting data by January or so, and now I just have no earthly idea. What a mess.
3) Plus, as if I needed this day to be weirder, I drove down to the Alameda County Courthouse and filed our divorce paperwork this morning. Honestly, it was a refreshingly/alarmingly sterile process. I stood in line for a few minutes, went up to a window, handed over the paperwork, signed some things, and I was basically done within half an hour. California has a 6 month waiting period, so on May 2nd, I will officially be divorced, and I can finally legally change my name back. I thought I would be more upset about filing, but it actually feels pretty good. It's been this weird, supremely unpleasant thing hanging over my head for months now, and I'm pretty tired of dealing with the two last names problem, so it just feels good to have done it. It's still sad in some respects, obviously, but I've been feeling so sad for so long that it's like my sad muscles have given out. So instead I just feel relieved, and like it's time to move on now.
You know what? F*** this day, man. I'm going for a run.
1) The part time job I have taken on - I don't want to write any specifics about it on my blog, because it's not appropriate to talk negatively about it in a public forum - while providing me with some really nice extra cash, has just been way too much thankless, frustrating work to be worth it. I put in my notice this past week, saying I won't be continuing beyond this semester. The thing is, I was feeling really good about the work we're doing after the two meetings I went to this week. I felt like things were finally starting to move along, we were all making some progress, and maybe it would be worth it to stay on for next semester. And then this afternoon I get sucked into another backandforthandbackandforth email exchange, and I'm ready to be done now. So I get to go to another meeting tomorrow! (grumble grumble) I will stick it out this semester, but after that, no more!
2) Earlier this afternoon, I found out my dissertation study has finally been approved! So I was super excited, and I emailed the research director at the campus preschool, and she suggested I call her immediately, which is never a good sign. I just got off the phone with her, after a very long chat (I just love this woman, she's wonderful), and it turns out UC Berkeley has decided to privatize their child care system, effective immediately. So people are being laid off and everyone is freaking out, and some of the parents are boycotting the research program because they're totally powerless and don't know what else to do. I can hardly be angry at the parents, but my immediately reaction is nevertheless, "WHAT?! Are you kidding me??" The week my study finally gets approved is the week everything goes to hell in a handbasket, and it is suddenly rather up in the air whether I'm going to be able to find enough non-boycotting children to participate in my dissertation study. I was already cutting it pretty close, but feeling confident I could be done collecting data by January or so, and now I just have no earthly idea. What a mess.
3) Plus, as if I needed this day to be weirder, I drove down to the Alameda County Courthouse and filed our divorce paperwork this morning. Honestly, it was a refreshingly/alarmingly sterile process. I stood in line for a few minutes, went up to a window, handed over the paperwork, signed some things, and I was basically done within half an hour. California has a 6 month waiting period, so on May 2nd, I will officially be divorced, and I can finally legally change my name back. I thought I would be more upset about filing, but it actually feels pretty good. It's been this weird, supremely unpleasant thing hanging over my head for months now, and I'm pretty tired of dealing with the two last names problem, so it just feels good to have done it. It's still sad in some respects, obviously, but I've been feeling so sad for so long that it's like my sad muscles have given out. So instead I just feel relieved, and like it's time to move on now.
You know what? F*** this day, man. I'm going for a run.
Tuesday, October 30, 2012
Tuesday, October 23, 2012
random phone pictures
A car parked on the street right by my house. |
Pelicans. Chillin'. (See the guy perched on top of the outhouse structure?) |
I'm really tired, but I don't know if I can sleep yet. I had a really productive day, despite the fact that the amount of time I spent working was fairly short. I heard back from the IRB (finally!) and I don't have too much to change about my dissertation study before it gets approved and I can start collecting data. So I did all my revisions and re-submitted my protocol, and I'm hoping I can start collecting data in November!! Wow, I typed that and then realized it needed an extra exclamation point, because it hadn't really sunk in yet, but that is really exciting!
I also roped an undergraduate research assistant in to recording the voice stimuli for my experiments, and we set a time to meet later this week, and my friend who's drawing my picture stimuli is hard at work on them, so they should be ready to go in the next week, too. I also managed to do a little bit of writing today, and am hoping to have my methodology chapter done (or at least in working order) by the end of this month.
We lost our softball game tonight, but I was still really proud of us. We played totally respectably against The Best Team in our league (they actually recruit players... ugh) and had a pretty good time, too.
And then I walked all the way home (it's a bit of a hike from the softball field), and some of the packages I ordered with birthday gift cards had arrived. Yay new dishes and silverware! And then I read through a dissertation chapter written by a friend of mine, because she needed feedback by tomorrow.
So now it's time for bed, and sleep, hopefully, and an early start tomorrow. What a day! Good night.
Wednesday, October 17, 2012
winding down
It is wonderfully quiet in my apartment tonight, and I didn't know it when I bought it, but the cheap little globe lamp that sits next to my bed on the nightstand gives off a lovely muted glow. It's a warm, Berkeley, fall evening - sort of like a cool, Illinois, summer night - but really the only similarity might be the temperature. It might be 65 degrees or so, but somewhere in my bones, I can tell the difference between the cool breeze that follows a midwest summer thunderstorm, and the cool breeze that blows inland off the Bay.
Out the window, there is the constant low hum of late night traffic, punctuated by the whisking and whistling of the BART train as it passes through the underground station across the street, and the clock in the corner soldiers on, marking each passing moment with its unending series of regular, muffled clicks.
Sometimes I am struck by the sense that I don't know where I'm going, but I sure am going there, and I think it's somewhere good. Time passes all too quickly these days, but I do try to stop and look around and appreciate the glorious buzz of life that has me wrapped up in it. I don't know where the weeks and months go, and someday soon I'll be leaving Berkeley, setting off for some as yet unknown new land, where I'll be starting all over again. It could be scary, but it's not, really. It's just somewhere else to explore, something new to learn about, new people to meet and love and be annoyed by and keep with me in my heart.
It's a good place to be. I feel safe, and I feel calm, and I feel ready. I feel like I can do this, whatever it is. I can write a dissertation. I can teach a class. I can find a research job. I can move wherever my life takes me. I might mess it up sometimes, and I might feel like I'm faking it more times than not, but the funny thing about faking it is that if you keep it up long enough, you're not faking it anymore. Whatever it is becomes real. So I'm trying to make sure I'm faking the right things, you know? I'll act like I have a plan and I know what I'm doing, and eventually, I'll feel like I have a plan and I know what I'm doing, and then someday, I'll look back and realize that I did have a plan and know what I was doing all along. I think. I think that's how it works out.
My eyelids are droopy with sleep, and my body is tired from exercise, and stress, and a cold that keeps lingering. So I will try to quiet my mind now, to give it some rest while the clock clicks and the train whistles by, and I will wake up tomorrow and do it all again.
Out the window, there is the constant low hum of late night traffic, punctuated by the whisking and whistling of the BART train as it passes through the underground station across the street, and the clock in the corner soldiers on, marking each passing moment with its unending series of regular, muffled clicks.
Sometimes I am struck by the sense that I don't know where I'm going, but I sure am going there, and I think it's somewhere good. Time passes all too quickly these days, but I do try to stop and look around and appreciate the glorious buzz of life that has me wrapped up in it. I don't know where the weeks and months go, and someday soon I'll be leaving Berkeley, setting off for some as yet unknown new land, where I'll be starting all over again. It could be scary, but it's not, really. It's just somewhere else to explore, something new to learn about, new people to meet and love and be annoyed by and keep with me in my heart.
It's a good place to be. I feel safe, and I feel calm, and I feel ready. I feel like I can do this, whatever it is. I can write a dissertation. I can teach a class. I can find a research job. I can move wherever my life takes me. I might mess it up sometimes, and I might feel like I'm faking it more times than not, but the funny thing about faking it is that if you keep it up long enough, you're not faking it anymore. Whatever it is becomes real. So I'm trying to make sure I'm faking the right things, you know? I'll act like I have a plan and I know what I'm doing, and eventually, I'll feel like I have a plan and I know what I'm doing, and then someday, I'll look back and realize that I did have a plan and know what I was doing all along. I think. I think that's how it works out.
My eyelids are droopy with sleep, and my body is tired from exercise, and stress, and a cold that keeps lingering. So I will try to quiet my mind now, to give it some rest while the clock clicks and the train whistles by, and I will wake up tomorrow and do it all again.
Tuesday, October 9, 2012
linguist in-jokes
I designed these shirts for our intramural softball team! And they just arrived!!
Trust me. That is a quality linguist joke.
Monday, October 8, 2012
good (non-productive, oops) weekend
There were so many things I was going to do this weekend, and yet, here it is Sunday night, and how many of them got done...?
Well, one, at least. I accidentally started my dissertation today, I think. I was going to write an abstract, but instead it came out too long and detailed, and I think it's now an introduction. So hey, that's pretty awesome.
One of my good friends and her husband were also in town, and I got to hang out with them today, eat delicious Nepalese food, and talk to her about my dissertation experiment. She's a great artist, and also a child language researcher, and she has agreed (happily, it seems!) to draw the pictures for my dissertation experiments. I'm teaching words to preschoolers, so I need lots of fun, colored pictures of real words and the ones I made up for the experiment, and I think my friend is uniquely qualified to draw those for me. They also helped me brainstorm about games I can play with the kids to teach them the words, and we came up with some really good, workable ideas. So that was actually pretty awesome too.
And oh yeah! I received the news today that the course I proposed has been approved for summer semester 2013, which means I'll be the instructor of record for a course on Language Acquisition for Berkeley undergrads this summer. No direct supervisor, no one else in charge of organizing, giving lectures, deciding on course material and readings, just little ol' me. I am teaching my very own class at UC Berkeley! And I am ridiculously excited about that!
And I went out for Ethiopian food on Friday night with Jevon and another friend, and it was so so so good.
So really, I had an excellent weekend. And it wasn't even that un-productive, I just... wanted to get some other stuff done and didn't quite make it.
Oh well.
Well, one, at least. I accidentally started my dissertation today, I think. I was going to write an abstract, but instead it came out too long and detailed, and I think it's now an introduction. So hey, that's pretty awesome.
One of my good friends and her husband were also in town, and I got to hang out with them today, eat delicious Nepalese food, and talk to her about my dissertation experiment. She's a great artist, and also a child language researcher, and she has agreed (happily, it seems!) to draw the pictures for my dissertation experiments. I'm teaching words to preschoolers, so I need lots of fun, colored pictures of real words and the ones I made up for the experiment, and I think my friend is uniquely qualified to draw those for me. They also helped me brainstorm about games I can play with the kids to teach them the words, and we came up with some really good, workable ideas. So that was actually pretty awesome too.
And oh yeah! I received the news today that the course I proposed has been approved for summer semester 2013, which means I'll be the instructor of record for a course on Language Acquisition for Berkeley undergrads this summer. No direct supervisor, no one else in charge of organizing, giving lectures, deciding on course material and readings, just little ol' me. I am teaching my very own class at UC Berkeley! And I am ridiculously excited about that!
And I went out for Ethiopian food on Friday night with Jevon and another friend, and it was so so so good.
So really, I had an excellent weekend. And it wasn't even that un-productive, I just... wanted to get some other stuff done and didn't quite make it.
Oh well.
Sunday, September 30, 2012
lazy Sunday morning
All told, this has been a pretty good week. I've been feeling down lately, so I decided to have some people over for dinner last night. I haven't done a whole lot of entertaining here, just because my place is pretty small for entertaining, but gosh darn it, we had a really good time last night. I made a pot roast with potatoes, leeks, onions, and carrots, and people brought various kinds of roasted veggies (and homemade Irish creme liqueur!), and we feasted on fall food in my little apartment. It was really, really nice, and (I don't know if this is relevant at all) I made a point to invite only women. I recently read this article that a friend of mine linked to on Facebook a while back, and it's had me thinking about women friends. I don't agree with everything in the article*, but I've never really been one to have a lot of female friends, and I do think it's worth wondering why. I've usually had one or two very close female friends, but never a whole group of them. So I was thinking about how I've been feeling down lately, and how I know all of these awesome women that I love and respect so much, and also how no one cares if your place is small or messy or crappy, people just need food and a place to gather, and they'll generally have a good time (and my place isn't even remotely messy or crappy - just small). So anyway, I had a great night hanging out with some awesome, funny, smart people, and I have resolved to do it more often. Especially since a couple people I really wanted to come weren't able to make it.
* I find it especially weird that she goes on at length about how you shouldn't be petty and catty with your female friends, but hey, bullet point #10: "Don't let your friends buy ugly outfits or accessories you don't want to look at when you hang out." Uhh...?
Anyway, in other 'improving mental health' news, I have my first appointment with a counselor tomorrow, and I'm mostly looking forward to it and feeling curious about how it's going to go. I've never been to a counselor before, but we get free counseling through our health insurance, and I feel like, if ever there were a time when I should check out counseling, it's got to be now. I'm (very) slowly getting back to normal, but god, it's so slow, and it's so schizophrenic. I'll be doing really well for a few weeks, and then I'll just be devastated for a few days, kind of out of the blue. And then it'll take me at least a few days to get back on the up-and-up, and I'll be good for a few weeks, and then I'll have another really horrible week. Well, I'm totally sick of the horrible weeks. And I know it's normal, and it's going to take a long time to process everything, and I'm okay, and so on and so on, but it would be really nice to get some practical tips from a mental health professional about how to get this show on the road, y'know? So we'll see how it goes tomorrow.
So, today. Today is beautiful, in that "isn't it supposed to be fall? oh right, Bay Area Indian Summer" way. It's been chilly and foggy for weeks, and suddenly it's 80 degrees today. I have a fair bit of work I need to get to, but I'm not quite ready to dig in yet (which is why I'm still in my pajamas and blogging at 12:30). I think, though, it's time for a shower, and another cup of coffee, and maybe a little bit of pleasure reading before I do some work today. I have an abstract to write, and some work to do for D-Lab, and plenty of academic reading I could be doing. So I will sit in my sunny apartment with the windows open wide, next to the bouquet of flowers my friends brought me, and enjoy this beautiful day.
* I find it especially weird that she goes on at length about how you shouldn't be petty and catty with your female friends, but hey, bullet point #10: "Don't let your friends buy ugly outfits or accessories you don't want to look at when you hang out." Uhh...?
Anyway, in other 'improving mental health' news, I have my first appointment with a counselor tomorrow, and I'm mostly looking forward to it and feeling curious about how it's going to go. I've never been to a counselor before, but we get free counseling through our health insurance, and I feel like, if ever there were a time when I should check out counseling, it's got to be now. I'm (very) slowly getting back to normal, but god, it's so slow, and it's so schizophrenic. I'll be doing really well for a few weeks, and then I'll just be devastated for a few days, kind of out of the blue. And then it'll take me at least a few days to get back on the up-and-up, and I'll be good for a few weeks, and then I'll have another really horrible week. Well, I'm totally sick of the horrible weeks. And I know it's normal, and it's going to take a long time to process everything, and I'm okay, and so on and so on, but it would be really nice to get some practical tips from a mental health professional about how to get this show on the road, y'know? So we'll see how it goes tomorrow.
So, today. Today is beautiful, in that "isn't it supposed to be fall? oh right, Bay Area Indian Summer" way. It's been chilly and foggy for weeks, and suddenly it's 80 degrees today. I have a fair bit of work I need to get to, but I'm not quite ready to dig in yet (which is why I'm still in my pajamas and blogging at 12:30). I think, though, it's time for a shower, and another cup of coffee, and maybe a little bit of pleasure reading before I do some work today. I have an abstract to write, and some work to do for D-Lab, and plenty of academic reading I could be doing. So I will sit in my sunny apartment with the windows open wide, next to the bouquet of flowers my friends brought me, and enjoy this beautiful day.
Tuesday, September 25, 2012
Whoo! Good. Day.
Today was so good! I went to my weight lifting class this morning and it made me feel like RAWR I can do anything, which is always a great start to the day. Then I had a meeting about a (paid!) project I'm working on for the up-and-coming UC Berkeley Data Lab, which also made me feel capable and productive. And then I read an article about word learning, thought about my dissertation for a bit, then had another meeting with our department's undergraduate advisor because I'm designing a course to teach next summer about language acquisition, and I want it to appeal to as many undergrads as possible.
Then I was so excited about my class that I worked on the syllabus for longer than I probably should have, since I have other things to be doing, and then I realized I was getting hungry, so I came home. And now I am drinking a beer and making a stir-fry and listening to Wilco and life is good.
Then I was so excited about my class that I worked on the syllabus for longer than I probably should have, since I have other things to be doing, and then I realized I was getting hungry, so I came home. And now I am drinking a beer and making a stir-fry and listening to Wilco and life is good.
Monday, September 17, 2012
Boston in January!
Never before have I been accepted to a conference and gone, "Oh no!!"
But I did get accepted to give a talk at our annual linguistics conference this year. Normally this would be excellent news, except that the work itself is rather unfinished, which means I have a fair bit more work to do before it's ready to present.
So... yay? :)
No, I'm very happy, or I will be once the initial pang of fear wears off.
But I did get accepted to give a talk at our annual linguistics conference this year. Normally this would be excellent news, except that the work itself is rather unfinished, which means I have a fair bit more work to do before it's ready to present.
So... yay? :)
No, I'm very happy, or I will be once the initial pang of fear wears off.
Thursday, September 13, 2012
ooooh, that's puuuurty
Welcome to my re-designed blog!
The time has come for me to change the name of my blog, since, well, I'm no longer living with my coonhounds these days (and let's not talk about that any. more. ever. again. because just typing those words is making me tear up), and also because I don't know how much longer I'm going to be living in Berkeley anyway, and also because... I'm perhaps not-so-gracefully transitioning into a different period of my life right now, and it just seemed like the right time to change things up.
So I'm Melinda the aspiring academic speech scientist now, and I will be putting forth all efforts to stay sound minded for the foreseeable future.
And plus: isn't that a really great pun? A friend of mine unintentionally made it yesterday, and because I was the only one who noticed it, I feel justified in appropriating it for my own use. I am sound minded, or trying to be!
The time has come for me to change the name of my blog, since, well, I'm no longer living with my coonhounds these days (and let's not talk about that any. more. ever. again. because just typing those words is making me tear up), and also because I don't know how much longer I'm going to be living in Berkeley anyway, and also because... I'm perhaps not-so-gracefully transitioning into a different period of my life right now, and it just seemed like the right time to change things up.
So I'm Melinda the aspiring academic speech scientist now, and I will be putting forth all efforts to stay sound minded for the foreseeable future.
And plus: isn't that a really great pun? A friend of mine unintentionally made it yesterday, and because I was the only one who noticed it, I feel justified in appropriating it for my own use. I am sound minded, or trying to be!
Tuesday, September 11, 2012
interlude: a list of things
- WHY ARE THERE SO MANY PAPERS TO READ? It is truly never-ending. I do realize that that is the point of the whole pursuit - generate discussion to generate more experiments to eventually generate better understanding - but it's just this rabbit hole of tightly interconnected ideas and hypotheses, and you can spend your whole life trying to figure out where to start, let alone jumping in and contributing something worthwhile to the discussion. Is this so abstract that it's completely opaque? Now that I've decided what type of experiments I'm running for my dissertation, I have to narrow down what exact questions I'm asking, and how to set up the experimental procedure so I make sure I'm actually getting data that answer those questions, and not some other, related questions that I didn't mean to ask. I'm doing some word learning studies, so now I'm sifting through papers on word learning, and it's all so interesting, but absolutely paralyzing. There are so many gosh darn variables, and I'm still figuring out which ones to try to ask questions about, and which ones I absolutely need to control for. (Word frequency: should I systematically manipulate the number of exposures the kids get to each word, or should I let them get as many exposures as they need to learn all the words? Memory consolidation: should I test them the same day I teach them the words, and/or should I make them have a night's sleep in between? Should I test them on multiple days? What if I count on testing them on multiple days, and then they don't want to be tested a second time? Recognition vs. production: should I incorporate a word recognition task into the training, or just focus on word production? If I incorporate a word recognition task, should I manipulate the phonetic details of the words they're hearing, so I get a test of whether they've generalized the phonetic information, or is that too many variables? etc. etc. etc. ad infinitum)
- On the bright side, I'm very excited about what I'm doing, and after I sift through a few more papers, I think I'll be ready to go...
- It's a beautiful day out, and I have enough of a cold that I feel justified staying at home for the day. So I slept in today and am now sitting in my screened-in porch style apartment with all the windows open, drinking coffee and taking notes on papers. It's fantastic, except that there are so many papers to read (see above), and I have to take breaks periodically, because it's a lot of concentrating. Hence the blog entry.
- I got paid last week! So I ordered a new phone for myself! Both things are very exciting for me, due to their very low frequency of occurrence; now that I've switched back to my fellowship, instead of teaching, I only get paid 3 times a year. And I just never buy a new phone, because I'm perfectly satisfied being a curmudgeonly luddite when it comes to phones. I don't want access to email and the internet 24 hours a day...
- One of my friends started a linguist intramural softball team! So I played softball twice last week, and we have our first game next week! It's really really fun to be playing softball again, but I'm fairly certain our team is going to be horrible, and that's okay. It's more about the experience.
Okay, back to work.
- On the bright side, I'm very excited about what I'm doing, and after I sift through a few more papers, I think I'll be ready to go...
- It's a beautiful day out, and I have enough of a cold that I feel justified staying at home for the day. So I slept in today and am now sitting in my screened-in porch style apartment with all the windows open, drinking coffee and taking notes on papers. It's fantastic, except that there are so many papers to read (see above), and I have to take breaks periodically, because it's a lot of concentrating. Hence the blog entry.
- I got paid last week! So I ordered a new phone for myself! Both things are very exciting for me, due to their very low frequency of occurrence; now that I've switched back to my fellowship, instead of teaching, I only get paid 3 times a year. And I just never buy a new phone, because I'm perfectly satisfied being a curmudgeonly luddite when it comes to phones. I don't want access to email and the internet 24 hours a day...
- One of my friends started a linguist intramural softball team! So I played softball twice last week, and we have our first game next week! It's really really fun to be playing softball again, but I'm fairly certain our team is going to be horrible, and that's okay. It's more about the experience.
Okay, back to work.
Friday, September 7, 2012
Grad School WIN
I have the greatest advisors ever. I really, really do, and I don't have enough good things to say about them.
They actually told me, in as many words, "This is a great idea. And if you start having doubts about what you're doing - and you will, because we all do - just come talk to us, and we'll tell you to knock it off and get back to work, because this is a great idea."
Do I really have to leave this place and go out in the big scary academic world where I don't have wonderful advisors to talk me down and reassure me that I'm doing okay? ... I think I do, but not for a little while yet.
They actually told me, in as many words, "This is a great idea. And if you start having doubts about what you're doing - and you will, because we all do - just come talk to us, and we'll tell you to knock it off and get back to work, because this is a great idea."
Do I really have to leave this place and go out in the big scary academic world where I don't have wonderful advisors to talk me down and reassure me that I'm doing okay? ... I think I do, but not for a little while yet.
Wednesday, September 5, 2012
Epic Road Trip Recap: Part 3
I'm in kind of a crap mood today, so I'm going to do a blog post, and maybe that will make me feel better.
First, I had one horrible day last week (I think it was Thursday), and it kind of ruined the next few days for me. I won't go into details here, because I never know who reads this thing and I don't want to publicize any information that others would prefer me to keep private, but suffice it to say that Thursday pretty much sucked on multiple counts. So I didn't sleep well on Thursday night at all, which set me up for a crap Friday as well. Thankfully, I had a good time on Friday night with some friends, but then after I got home I kept waking up and running to the bathroom because I felt like I was going to throw up. Sorry if that's more than you wanted to know... the long and short of it is that Saturday I came down with some horrible stomach bug that had me in and out of the bathroom in incredible pain all day Saturday and Sunday. And no, I don't think it's the ulcer, back with a vengeance. I really think it was just a stomach bug, for various reasons that I will not explain in detail. It's mostly gone now, but I've just been in this lame-o queasy funk for the past few days, and I'm about ready for it to be done.
On the slightly brighter side, I sat down and did some soul-searching regarding my dissertation today (which is part of what's been putting me in a funk), and I do feel a little bit better about it. I sort of have a plan, but I've been struggling to reorient my research trajectory to position myself for the job I'd like to apply for for next year, and trying to figure out how to do that, and how to package a small set of mish-mash projects into one sensible storyline has been bugging me for some time now. There are several studies I'd like to do, but I haven't made myself sit down and work out a detailed plan for them, and they feel a little all over the place. I know they must have some thread tying them together, since I'm the one who thought of them, so today I sat down and thought about why exactly I'm interested in pursuing those studies. It helped organize my thinking a bit, and I do think I'm making progress. I'm just feeling kind of... discouraged and scatterbrained and slightly incompetent. I'm going to do the same thing tomorrow, and then meet with my advisors on Friday with A Definitive Plan in hand, and hopefully then I'll feel like I have a definite direction again.
Okay, now. On the much brighter side, I'm going to put up some more pictures from our road trip. First, I'm going to add a great picture of some weird neon orange dirt to the Yellowstone post from last time, so you should go back and check it out. Now I'm going to pick the narrative back up: we just spent the night at a rest area just over the mountains into southwestern Montana, after having spent the day at Yellowstone.
We woke up early the next morning (or in my case, never really got to sleep the night before), and Jevon drove while I napped. We drove and drove and drove and drove. Montana was really beautiful, and really big, and it felt nice to be getting into some landscape that felt 'close to home'; it's amazing how comforting a prairie can be when you've spent the first twenty-some years of your life in a prairie state. By early afternoon, we crossed the state line into North Dakota, and we decided to stop at Theodore Roosevelt National Park.
Part of me wishes we could have done the National Parks in the reverse order from how we did them. T.R. National Park was really awesome and beautiful, but it was hard for me to appreciate it when it was immediately preceded by Yellowstone and Crater Lake. I mean, those are pretty hard to top. But T.R. was beautiful in its own, badlands-y way.
First, I had one horrible day last week (I think it was Thursday), and it kind of ruined the next few days for me. I won't go into details here, because I never know who reads this thing and I don't want to publicize any information that others would prefer me to keep private, but suffice it to say that Thursday pretty much sucked on multiple counts. So I didn't sleep well on Thursday night at all, which set me up for a crap Friday as well. Thankfully, I had a good time on Friday night with some friends, but then after I got home I kept waking up and running to the bathroom because I felt like I was going to throw up. Sorry if that's more than you wanted to know... the long and short of it is that Saturday I came down with some horrible stomach bug that had me in and out of the bathroom in incredible pain all day Saturday and Sunday. And no, I don't think it's the ulcer, back with a vengeance. I really think it was just a stomach bug, for various reasons that I will not explain in detail. It's mostly gone now, but I've just been in this lame-o queasy funk for the past few days, and I'm about ready for it to be done.
On the slightly brighter side, I sat down and did some soul-searching regarding my dissertation today (which is part of what's been putting me in a funk), and I do feel a little bit better about it. I sort of have a plan, but I've been struggling to reorient my research trajectory to position myself for the job I'd like to apply for for next year, and trying to figure out how to do that, and how to package a small set of mish-mash projects into one sensible storyline has been bugging me for some time now. There are several studies I'd like to do, but I haven't made myself sit down and work out a detailed plan for them, and they feel a little all over the place. I know they must have some thread tying them together, since I'm the one who thought of them, so today I sat down and thought about why exactly I'm interested in pursuing those studies. It helped organize my thinking a bit, and I do think I'm making progress. I'm just feeling kind of... discouraged and scatterbrained and slightly incompetent. I'm going to do the same thing tomorrow, and then meet with my advisors on Friday with A Definitive Plan in hand, and hopefully then I'll feel like I have a definite direction again.
Okay, now. On the much brighter side, I'm going to put up some more pictures from our road trip. First, I'm going to add a great picture of some weird neon orange dirt to the Yellowstone post from last time, so you should go back and check it out. Now I'm going to pick the narrative back up: we just spent the night at a rest area just over the mountains into southwestern Montana, after having spent the day at Yellowstone.
We woke up early the next morning (or in my case, never really got to sleep the night before), and Jevon drove while I napped. We drove and drove and drove and drove. Montana was really beautiful, and really big, and it felt nice to be getting into some landscape that felt 'close to home'; it's amazing how comforting a prairie can be when you've spent the first twenty-some years of your life in a prairie state. By early afternoon, we crossed the state line into North Dakota, and we decided to stop at Theodore Roosevelt National Park.
Part of me wishes we could have done the National Parks in the reverse order from how we did them. T.R. National Park was really awesome and beautiful, but it was hard for me to appreciate it when it was immediately preceded by Yellowstone and Crater Lake. I mean, those are pretty hard to top. But T.R. was beautiful in its own, badlands-y way.
The badlands are a really cool area of the country. I still don't entirely know what 'badlands' means, except that it's apparently some kind of geological terrain that's characterized by cool rock formations that have been carved out by wind and water erosion, over a period of thousands of years. I know it doesn't seem that exciting in the picture, but we saw some super cool rocks with holes right through them that had been caused by the blustery wind that just constantly pounds the landscape. So this rock is the very small scale version of how the entire landscape was formed:
I've never been to Africa, but when we took the winding road up to the highest point in the park and looked down over the river and the flood plains, it reminded me an awful lot of the Africa shots from Planet Earth, a documentary we recently watched about all the cool ecosystems on earth. We saw part of a herd of buffalo fording the river, too, with their babies in tow. It was pretty neat.
See the buffalo herd, in the water? |
What was even neater, though (despite freaking me out a bit), was when we were headed out of the park, and we came across said buffalo herd completely blocking the road. There was nothing to do except stop the car and sort of idle our way through, as the herd parted and let us pass. They were right next to me, out the driver's side window, and they seemed like they couldn't care less that we were there, but it was kind of freaky, nonetheless.
We didn't spend too too long at T.R. National Park before we were on the road again, headed straight south out of North Dakota. My atlas perusal revealed that we would be passing almost directly through the geographical center of the United States, so of course we had to go there. When else am I going to be driving through western South Dakota with nothing but time?
So we took a 12 mile detour to go through the center of the country, and it was totally worth it. Not that it was particularly cool, but it was pretty fun to be in the absolute middle of nowhere, following a country road in the most deserted place I've ever been to. There is nothing in the western part of the Dakotas. Nothing. There were a few towns marked on the atlas, but when we would pass through them, they would consist of a single trailer and a convenience store, if you were lucky. It's apparently the kind of place where you honestly have to worry about running out of gas and being stranded. I had never been to such a sparsely populated area, and it was surprisingly creepy.
Anyway, in case you were wondering what the geographical center of the nation looks like and you don't think you're going to make the trip any time soon, I am happy to provide the following documentation.
We could have easily missed it. Do you see the landscape in the background? That's what that entire afternoon's worth of driving looked like. Which might go some ways toward explaining the following two pictures; sometimes you have to add some artificial excitement to your life.
Look at me! I'm out of the car! |
We also jumped the fence and went and took our pictures by the flag in the middle of the field, since we figured it was probably marking the exact center of the nation. And also because we had been in the car for several days straight. And also because we're silly.
Here's what the view across from the center of the nation looks like. This was the only structure we came across on this road, and that's our car, parked next to the pile of rocks and the sign.
So after that excitement was passed, we got back in the car, drove the 12 miles back to the main road, and headed on our way. Our last major national park/sightseeing stop was in the southwestern part of South Dakota, where we went to Wind Cave National Park (sort of), the Crazy Horse monument, Mount Rushmore, and Badlands National Park.
But that will have to be for next time!
... I do feel a bit better, by the way. I think I might bake some bread and curl up with a good statistics book.
Monday, September 3, 2012
Epic Road Trip Recap: Part 2
Where we last left off, Melinda and Jevon were sleeping in the middle of nowhere in Oregon, which, it turns out, is mostly a desert.
We got up with the sun on Sunday morning and were ready to hit the road. On Sunday, we drove the rest of the way through Oregon, and most of the way through Idaho. Oregon and western Idaho mostly looked like this:
Lost of dusty hills and green-brown brush. By Sunday afternoon, we had made it to Boise, and we stopped for two hours or so to get lunch and walk around a bit. I really liked Boise and would love to go back and spend some more time there sometime. It was not unlike Urbana, in some ways; it felt like a college town in the middle of a pretty rural state, but it did feel a little bit bigger than Urbana, since the state capitol is there. Bigger than Urbana, but way small for a state capitol, that's for sure. Anyway, we checked out the Basque quarter a tiny bit (did you know that Boise has the biggest Basque population outside of the Pyrenees?), but I had forgotten that I wanted to eat at a Basque restaurant, and we had already stopped for lunch at a local brew pub by that point. I was disappointed, but the beer was pretty good, so it was fine. We walked around downtown a bit, found an Apple store and bought a car charger for the iPad, which was absolutely essential and totally worth the $35 or however much I paid for it, and then hit the road again.
On Sunday evening, around the time we were getting hungry and tired of being in the car, we came upon some signs for a state park in Idaho. So we decided to call it a day and set up camp for the night. The Idaho campground might have been my favorite one of the whole trip, actually. First, because it was beautiful (although they all were, really):
But second because the facilities were really nice - there were some pretty decent showers, even - and third because there was a frisbee golf course! So while we were checking in and paying our fees at the main office, we inquired about the frisbee golf course, and the people there were so nice that they lent us a whole set of discs to play with, as long as we promised to drop them off before we left the next day. The guy at the front desk was obviously really in to frisbee golf, so he was simultaneously excited and a little bit sheepish to tell us what all the different types of discs were for, and I think he probably would've stayed late to play with us if we'd asked him to.
Anyway, we set up camp and struck out to find the first hole on the golf course, but it took us forever to find it. The campsite was right along the Snake River, so we basically ended up doing a really nice little hike along the river before we finally found part of the course. Then we had to back track a bit to find the first hole. And then we weren't very good, so there was a lot of walking involved. And then I managed to lose my disc in some brush on the third hole, which involved a lot more walking. And then we finally found it after what felt like an hour of searching, by which time the sun was going down, and I was totally disheartened and ready to quit. So... it could have been really fun. ;)
But then there was a glorious, much needed shower awaiting me, and I got to get all clean and fresh and walk back to the tent in the beautiful, cooled-down summer twilight, completely exhausted and ready to crash. So crash we did, and hit the road again early the next day.
(I think the name of the campground was Massacre Rocks State Park; another part of our evening (or the next morning, I can't remember) was checking out the info at the visitors' center about the site itself, which was where a massacre occurred along the Oregon Trail. If I remember right, some white people were killed by Indians, but I don't remember why, or whether they retaliated, or what the rest of the story was.)
On Monday, we decided to shoot for Yellowstone. We got a nice early start, drove the rest of the way across Idaho, and made it to Yellowstone by early afternoon. Yellowstone is huge. I mean huge. There's a big main loop that goes around the park, and basically just driving 3/4 of the way around the loop took us something like 5 hours. We entered on the western side and were immediately greeted by views like this:
After just a little bit of driving in the park, we hit on some of the geothermal activity; Yellowstone is chock full of geysers and cool mud pits and things like that. I'd never seen anything like it before, and I really loved the weird colors, caused by various naturally occurring minerals and acids.
This is molten rock/mud caused by some sort of sulphuric acid bubbling up out of the ground. |
Geysers! |
We did stop and see Old Faithful, but honestly, the picture (and the geyser itself) were kind of lame. I mean, no, they were awesome, in principal. But if you can picture a huge jet of water spurting out of the ground, well, that's basically it. The coolest part was that we learned that given any one eruption, they can predict the time of the next eruption based on the height and duration of the previous one, but other than that, they only know that it erupts every 30 - 120 minutes or something like that.
Another thing I really loved about Yellowstone was the wildlife. It's just... there. Hangin' out. So we saw some awesome elk and buffalo! This one was on our hike:
Look closely, next to the telephone pole in the background. |
And we did stop and do a hike, which was really nice. It was only a few miles, but it was great to get out of the car, and get to the top of a cool little hill/ravine thing and get a nice view of Yellowstone Lake.
Jevon's favorite part of Yellowstone was this absolutely breathtaking valley we hit upon. We actually pulled over on the side of the road, got out of the car, and just gazed for a while. The pictures definitely don't do it justice - it was incredibly peaceful, and verdant, and just... soul-soothing.
The weird thing about Yellowstone is that it was honestly kind of overwhelming. The whole park is just so unbelievably gorgeous that it actually blows your mind, and after a few hours of constant, idyllic natural beauty, we were kind of ready to get out of there. It was totally weird... you could stay for a week, easily, exploring trails and fishing and being in an outdoorsman's paradise, but we both had sensory overload and decided it would make more sense to just complete our 3/4 loop around the park and call it a day.
So we did our 3/4 loop, down around the southern and eastern parts of the park, and eventually exited out the north, into Montana. Here we are making our way out of the park.
We finally made it out around 8:00 pm, I think, and we stopped at the first place we found for dinner, which ended up being a little lodge/log cabin deal just outside the park. Once we got some food in us, we were ready to drive a little bit farther, so we decided to cross the mountains into Montana before we called it a night. If I had known how long it would take us to the cross the mountains, I probably would not have decided to do that. But ignorance is bliss, and we did indeed decide to cross the mountains. On the bright side, it was fantastically gorgeous, even though the pictures don't properly convey it.
On the not-as-bright side, I'm a nervous wreck driving on mountain roads, and the sun was going down, so even though it was beautiful, it kept getting right in my eyes when we would round corners, and I would have nightmare visions of some car careening into us as we rounded the bend. Whee!
But we made it eventually, and Jevon graciously took over the driving, and we stopped the first place we could, which ended up being a rest area in the middle of nowhere in southwestern Montana. That was the only night we slept in the car instead of in the tent, and I did not get a good night's sleep, but Jevon did, so he started the next day off driving while I napped for a while.
That's got to be it for tonight, friends. Blog entries take a long time! Next up: Montana, North Dakota, and South Dakota.
Wednesday, August 29, 2012
it's a pretty nice town
there is solace
in playing volleyball with strangers
staying past when my arms hurt
walking home in the late summer twilight
stopping for ice cream along the way
thumping up the stairs with tired legs
playing Van Morrison a little too loud
standing at the kitchen sink
and doing the dishes
in playing volleyball with strangers
staying past when my arms hurt
walking home in the late summer twilight
stopping for ice cream along the way
thumping up the stairs with tired legs
playing Van Morrison a little too loud
standing at the kitchen sink
and doing the dishes
photo by Joe Parks, Berkeleyside Flickr pool |
I hope you had a nice summer evening too.
Monday, August 27, 2012
Epic Road Trip Recap: Part 1
Oh dear. It's been over a month since I updated. That was not at all on purpose. Since my last post, I worked like a madwoman until July 31st, when I submitted an abstract to our big annual linguist conference. I haven't heard back about it yet, but I should very soon (tomorrow, maybe?). Around that time, I got the awful news that my grandpa passed away, and despite the fact that I had just been in Illinois, it seemed like the right thing to go back again, for another week. I just wanted to be with my family some more, and especially since my dad and brother were out of town when I visited in July, I was happy to go back for a bit longer, even given the sad circumstances.
All those feelings can be for another post, though, since there's a lot I could say... and anyway, I'm not sure this is the right place to air them out.
This post is intended to be the first in my recap of our Epic Road Trip, from July. We had such an excellent trip! Oh my gosh, it was all so so cool. I've been kind of putting off writing about it, though, because I just have so very many pictures, and there's so much to say, that it makes the prospect of writing it up seem daunting. So I decided to break it up into multiple (smaller, more manageable) posts. There will be one post per leg of the trip, or thereabouts.
The first leg of the trip was from Berkeley up to Jevon's mom's house, in Medford, Oregon. It was about 6 hours, I think, so we left on Thursday morning, June 28th, and made it there in the afternoon. Southwest Oregon was really beautiful, and Jevon's mom lives in a really rural, very cute little neighborhood outside of Medford, with his sister and a totally awesome dog named Toad. I loved Toad. But more importantly, his family was pretty great too!
Taking Toad for a walk around the neighborhood. |
We stayed with his mom and sister on Thursday and Friday night, and decided to head out on Saturday afternoon. When we originally planned this trip, we were already planning to check out Yellowstone National Park, and make a few other stops along the way, but I realized when we were headed up to Oregon that we were so close to Crater Lake National Park. It was almost perfectly on our way to Yellowstone anyway, so we basically had to go there.
So here we are at Crater Lake National Park, in southwest Oregon! Oh my gosh, I'm so glad we went. It was phenomenal, and such a great start to our sightseeing trip.
I am so cold in this picture. |
Jevon is less cold, and not yet tired of me taking pictures of him. |
We ascended all the way up into the mountains, and the whole top was covered in cold, cold fog. We tried to stop and go for a hike at the top, but the trail we had wanted to do was snowed over (in late June!), so we decided to cut our losses and head out of the park. Man, but that lake was amazing, though. It's so crystal blue, and deep, and perfectly round, and rimmed with awesome mountains and trees. Such a cool place!
So here we are headed out of the park. We had to drive for quite a ways before we left the fog and snow, but eventually we got out of the mountains, it cleared up, and we were in a desert!
Now, I for one did not know that the eastern two thirds of Oregon is desert, and basically completely deserted. There are very few towns once you leave the Oregon coast, and the landscape becomes very dry and somewhat desolate, but very beautiful.
We drove for a few more hours after we left the park, until it started to get dark and we started looking for a campsite. And just in the nick of time, we found one! A little county park next to a reservoir, right smack dab in the middle of the state. These pictures are from where we set up camp on that first night.
Here's the car on Sunday morning, when we woke up and were ready to hit the road. One thing I loved about this trip is we were incredibly lucky with respect to our campsites. We pretty much always found a campsite right when we needed one, usually only had to pay $10 - $20 for some pretty excellent campgrounds, and we got to see some gorgeous landscapes, in some really cool parts of the country where neither of us had ever been before.
Another nice aspect was that sleeping in the wide open country, we went to bed shortly after it got dark, and we woke up when the sun rose every morning. I really enjoy being on a totally natural schedule like that; it's the way my body prefers it, and it's what I default to when things like grad school and friends and wasting time on the internet don't get in the way.
Speaking of being on the internet when I should be asleep... this concludes Part 1 of the Recap. Tune in next time to hear and see the next leg of the journey: from the middle of nowhere in Oregon, through Boise, and to the middle of nowhere in Idaho!
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