Ow. I rock. Ow.

You guys! I ran a marathon today! And it was awesome!!

I must say, I finished today's Nike Women's Marathon feeling the best I ever have after a race that distance. I mean, it hurt at the end, but really not that bad. I think that means I could've pushed it harder, but you know what? I am very, very satisfied with my performance and my pacing. Play-by-play in a minute, but first, there's this:

When I went to pick up my race packet in Union Square on Saturday, I saw a ton of women gathered outside of Niketown. They were all pointing and taking pictures. So naturally, I'm like, what is going on? There's this big wall, all along the side of the building with these pink lines all over it. On closer inspection, look what I found!

Me! I've been on the exterior wall of Niketown in Union Square for who-knows-how-long. That's pretty cool! That also had some pretty nifty posters for sale with everyone's name on them in teeny tiny print, which is really impressive given that this race draws around 20,000 people, but I decided against buying one. Partially because I wouldn't know what to do with it, and partially because this whole race was one, big, commercialized, Woman Power Extravaganza. Still not entirely sure how I feel about that, but I'm leaning towards "annoyed".

So, let's see what I can say about the race that might not be boring. It was a really great race! The course was really nice, and different enough from the San Francisco Marathon that I'm glad I did it. The main thing is that the first half of the course is disproportionately harder than the second half. I think that's better than the other way around, since you have more energy at the beginning, obviously, but it made it hard to figure out how to pace myself. The weird thing was, I was feeling a little worried throughout the first part of the race, because it was hard. And when you're running a marathon, you're constantly doing this weird "body check" thing. It's like you're running, and you're going, "Ok, how are my feet? Feeling okay. Am I chafing? Little bit. How's my hydration level? Probably ought to get some Gatorade at the next pit stop. Am I out of breath? Can I keep this pace up for the next 19 miles? Should I push it harder, maybe? Ooh, calf twinge, definitely need to hydrate. Do I need to pee bad enough to stop?" etc. etc. ad infinitum. And things were just not particularly coming together for the first half of this race, which is odd. Usually the first half is when you're feeling really good, because you've got all the adrenaline going, but I did have a little calf twinge around mile 9, and I've struggled a bit with calf cramps in my last two marathons, so it seemed like that was a very bad sign so early on and I should run cautiously and hydrate early.

You know what, though? I started feeling weirdly good right around 10 miles. It has never before taken me that long to get warmed up and get into the groove of things, but something just clicked right around 10 miles. Once we got through the hills in Golden Gate Park, we had several long, slight downhills, and I just kicked it in and never looked back. I was nervous about doing that so early on at first, but I was feeling so good that it seemed like a waste not to. But my pacing was so screwy - I finished the first half in a little over 2:00. And since my goal is always to come in under 4:00, this was not a particularly good sign. Plus, it's rough to run negative splits in a full marathon, I think. So I briefly prepared myself for the mental disappointment of coming in over 4:00, and I knew it might be a reality I would have to face. I thought if I could come in under 4:05, I could still be fairly happy with that time, since it was a fairly demanding course.

But I just kept getting faster and faster. It was so weird. In past races, I've started to have leg cramping issues around 21-22 miles, but not at all this time. Granted, the weather was very cool, and I was pretty careful with my hydration (not too much, not too little), but I just powered it all the way in. I was even able to put in what felt like a pretty darn good kick at the end, which has never happened to me in a marathon before. Usually I'm just trying to hang on to my pace as best I can, but I picked it up a fair amount for the last 1.5 miles, and I easily came in under 4:00. Something around 3:56 or 3:57, I think, but the official results haven't been posted yet. I couldn't believe how good that second half went! And I really couldn't believe how good I felt at the end. I mean, it hurt, it always hurts, that's why we do it, but none of that debilitating, ready to collapse-and-or-puke stuff that usually happens. I grabbed a big bagel and wolfed that sucker down (usually I get really nauseous at the end of a long race and can't eat anything substantial for quite a while), and I guzzled the most amazing, delicious bottle of chocolate milk I've ever had (and likely ever will have) in my life.

And oh! The firefighters! At the end of the race, there are firefighters in tuxedos that give you your Tiffany necklace (instead of a medal). It was pretty funny, and they were pretty cute. I found this picture online.

There were also foot massages and other goodies at the end, but I just wanted to get the heck out of there. More on that in a minute.

Despite my satisfying performance and my overall very respectable time, there were unfortunately a few things that kind of sucked about this race, and that keep me from recommending it wholeheartedly. For one - and this is not the fault of the race, obviously - it was raining. At first, it was just a few drops, right around the time I hit Golden Gate Park, near the middle of the race. Then it became a drizzle, and that actually felt kind of nice. Then it steadily picked up until the end of the race, when it really was legitimately raining. This wouldn't have been so bad if it weren't about 58 degrees out, which is a little chilly for rain. It was definitely tolerable while I was still running, but as soon as I stopped, I was pretty miserable. Now, where I take issue with the race itself is because it finishes on the very west side of the city, along the Pacific Ocean, which is cool and all, but there's not much public transportation out there. So they provided shuttle buses back to the east side of the city, except the buses were not there when I finished. Instead, there was a huuuuuuge line of people waiting for buses, most of whom said they had been waiting over an hour. There was no possible way I was going to stand in the cold rain for over an hour having just run a marathon. (Flashback to Big Sur last year.) Thankfully, I brought a change of warm clothes, so after I managed to locate my bag, I was able to put on a dry long sleeved shirt and a thermal fleece, along with some flannel pants, and that felt much better. I also put on one dry sock, but it was actually pretty hard to bend over and get my shoe off at that point, and as soon as I managed to get my shoe back on, my nice dry sock was completely soaked from my sopping wet shoe. I should've seen that coming, but I wasn't really thinking clearly and was so tantalized by the idea of dry socks. So I didn't even bother with the second one. Instead, I wore soaking wet shoes and socks until I finally managed to get home about 2 hours later.

The other thing that was weird about this race was that it's really mostly geared toward middle aged women running a half marathon. Apparently it's "the 10th biggest half marathon in the world". And it's all about "girl power" and "strong women" and "you are beautiful and powerful"... which... okay, I'm all for empowering women. And I'm all for people getting out and getting some exercise. But really? It was kind of annoying. Like, can you please stop walking five abreast with your fanny packs and CamelBaks and stopping in the middle of the road to take pictures, because actually, y'know, there's a race going on, and I'm trying to run it. At one point we went under an overpass, and this woman behind me starts yelling, "yeah girls, let's make some NOOOOIIIISE" and I'm like, "really? really?? what is this, 6th grade? can I please just run through a tunnel without my eardrums being shattered by inexplicably boisterous fanny pack-wearing, pink-clad women?"

So... yeah. It was kind of weird when we split off from the half marathoners, because it suddenly got really quiet, and way less crowded. It was nice and peaceful at first, but then once we hit the Great Highway, which runs along the ocean, it was just this seemingly endless stretch of gray, and it might have been nice to have a little more... energy. Thankfully there was entertainment every mile or so, so that helped break it up. My favorite was either the breakdancers or the really gay dudes in rose-pink body suits jumping up and down yelling "San Francisco loves you!"

So now I'm home and I'd love to share pictures with you, but they're not up yet, and neither is my official race time. And also I'm hungry again and Roger's home, so I think I'm going to make some popcorn and watch Mad Men.

But today was really great, and I'm already thinking about my next race. Maybe I'll do the Marin Marathon in March... it winds through wine country in the spring, and it looks really gorgeous and peaceful and pastoral, and probably more my style in a lot of ways.

I leave you with this shot of me I nabbed from the Oakland Half Marathon I ran back in March. I think it's the only halfway decent shot of me running I've ever had taken. Race photography is such a weird phenomenon, and I try to not really support it by never giving them my money. So this is the thumbnail version I stole from their website.

Oh, funny, I just this very second got an email from Nike saying I finished in 3:57:12, which is a 9:03 pace. I also apparently came in 377th (not bad!) and my split times got significantly faster (29:03 for the first 5K vs. 25:58 for the last 5K). I was dodging tons of people for a good 5 miles at the beginning of the race, so there's that to consider too, but it's hard to argue with a sub-26 5K at the end of a marathon!

Now. If I can just stand up.

I am a caricature of myself.

Probably homeless woman in the grocery store parking lot: Got a few extra bucks?

Me: (lying uncomfortably, as I always do) No, I'm sorry...

PHWITGSPL: (looking at my groceries, then at me, somewhat disgustedly) You don't smoke cigarettes, do you?

Me: ... No.

It is true. I had a grocery cart full of fruits and vegetables, and I'm wearing running shorts and Chacos. I do not smoke. This was apparently quite obvious.

This reminds me of a funny conversation I had with some friends a few weeks back, about how it sucks to realize you're just part of a "demographic". We were talking about how we love Trader Joe's, but we hate that we love Trader Joe's. TJ's is a grocery store (the one I was at today, actually) that sells what I would describe as cutely packaged, fun convenience foods for a generation that revels in Americanized ethnic food.

"Why yes, Trader Joe's," I concluded ruefully. "I am a 20-something white person who likes bright colors, convenience, and Thai food. I cannot resist you."

It's weird to realize how much the culture you've grown up in has shaped your identity, and also the fact that there is an entire super market chain directed at you and all of your friends.

Time to go play frisbee!

Nerding It Up

I just got back from a two-day symposium at Stanford. Man was it fun. It was very re-energizing, academically speaking. I guess it's been a while since I've been to a conference-y event, and it was so, so very cool to hear what these incredibly smart people are up to. I had a few passing thoughts that might be worth relating. Namely,

1) I feel so privileged to hang out with the people I hang out with. Everyone in the circles I run in now is so interesting and thoughtful. And a lot of them are even fun, too! There is nothing better than hanging out with fun, smart, nerdy, bright, hilarious people. This has several corollaries.

1a) The professors talking at this symposium ("Computational Models of the Mind: Comparing Connectionist and Bayesian Perspectives on Cognition and Language") are basically my heroes. No joke. I found myself thinking, I can't believe I'm in a room with all of these incredibly ridiculously intelligent people, with all their MIT, Stanford, University of California degrees and professorships. I love science. I have always wanted to be a scientist when I grow up, and being at a symposium like that makes me feel like I am actually on my way. Someday maybe that will be me up there talking about modeling cognition and emergent perceptual categories and la-lee-la. I sure do hope so.

1b) One of my friends from high school has just started a PhD program in Economics at Stanford, and I was able to meet up with him, and it was really great! It's so fun to catch up with people from high school, especially since it seems like we're all turning into real adults with academic careers and cool research interests, instead of just being somewhat awkward 15-year-olds. Oh, this leads me to a follow-up to (1a), which is that...

1c) ... I was imagining all the genius cognitive scientists as 15-year-old boys. And just realizing how incredibly awkward and unhappy and uncool they probably were in junior high, and now they are awesome. Pretty undeniably awesome, really. Sure, they were probably on the math team and the chess team and whatever, but now they're engineering models that get at the very essence of how the brain works, and they're giving talks in the greatest, most prestigious universities in the world, and they're certainly not lacking in confidence and even crack some pretty good jokes, but most of them seem down to earth and humble enough that you can still imagine what they must have been like as 15-year-old boys. I remember feeling painfully nerdy and like a weirdo misfit, and somehow just knowing I wasn't as cool as the "cool kids". But where are the cool kids now? Not giving or attending talks about cognitive science at Stanford, I can tell you that much! You always hear about how the nerds grow up to be the most interesting people, but it's like I'm watching it happen in real time, and it's pretty cool.

1d) I am loving being a grad student. When my high school friend and I were on campus, I bumped into one of the Stanford grad students who had been considering coming to Berkeley, and the Stanford linguists invited us over and I ended up hanging out with them the rest of the night. It was so fun! This brings me to my last corollary, which is...

1e) ... I keep realizing that these are my people now. You know when you start high school or college or a new job, and you're thinking, "Ok, these are the people I'm going to be hanging out with for the next few years"? Well, all of the grad students I'm getting to know in other departments are going to be my colleagues, like for life. I may very well be friends with these people, and hanging out with these people at conferences and meetings for the rest of my life. And I love that idea! I love these people! They are my people, it was meant to be, and I have some of the most fun and interesting conversations with them that I've ever had. It is so good to feel that you belong.

2) Palo Alto is weird, and I'm really glad I go to Berkeley and not Stanford. Don't get me wrong, Stanford is gorgeous and amazing and just reeks of money, but that's kind of the problem with it. It's so gosh darned manicured, and that's not necessarily a good thing. Berkeley is kind of grungy and rough around the edges, but that's what gives it personality. Sure, we can't just leave our office doors wide open all day long with all of our computer equipment sitting out in the open (which is what they do at Stanford - that blew my mind), but downtown Berkeley, for all its faults and oddities, is at least a hoot. You will not be bored walking down the street in Berkeley. And we're close to Oakland and close to San Francisco and our campus is all green and lush and Northern Californian. You can keep your manicured lawns and Spanish-SoCal architecture, Stanford. You know why? Because you're stuck in Palo Alto and that is lame.

2a) Really, though, I felt a little bad for the Stanford grad students in that respect. I mean, yes, they get way better funding than we do. And their building and equipment and offices are considerably nicer. But... I like our department better. And I like Berkeley better. And I think we have more fun than them and they know it. So, I take it back, Stanford. You guys can come hang out with us anytime, and we can trade superiority-inferiority complexes and talk about language and brains, and it's win-win-win.

I drank too much hot chocolate tonight, got too little sleep last night, and went to too many talks today, and am consequently feeling roly poly and sleepy. So goodnight!

Before and After: Melinda Version

Here's a picture of me right after I got my hair cut a few weeks ago:

And I here I am after I got bored yesterday:

I'm a redhead on the inside anyway, I think.

I should get back to work, but I'm (still, again, always) working on putting together stimuli for my QP perception experiment, and you can only stare at lists of made up words for so long. Bowp, chuss, pake, beel, mide... starts to drive you crazy pretty quickly.

So the only other thing I will add is that I got a group of friends together to play Ultimate Frisbee on Friday afternoon, and it was so fantastic. I think everyone had a great time, and I certainly did, and I can't wait to do it again. It was so freeing - running around in the grass with friends on a sunny afternoon. There are few better things in life, in my opinion! And at the end it was starting to get a little muddy, so a bunch of us took off our shoes and I could feel the cool, soft grass underneath my feet and the mud squishing between my toes. So good.

The only embarrassing part is that I am still sore! From frisbee! All of that changing directions and jumping up and down and chucking a disk around... much higher impact than I'm used to, and different muscles, I guess. Then I ran 20 miles yesterday (last time before my race!) and that actually made some of the soreness go away, except I'm just slightly tired and hungry and out of whack today.

So now I will go back to drinking my tea and staring at made up words.